Pup

Matt and I have talked about getting a puppy for a long time. I am allergic to most dogs so we needed a hypoallergenic dog or a mix of some sort. Matt loves Gracie but she is so little and he wants a bigger dog. We had been looking into goldendoodles, labradoodles, and boxerdoodles. We would have loved to adopt but there were never any of those dogs in shelters, or if they were, they had behavioral issues.

This past Sunday we just happened to be looking in the paper and there were three ads that caught our attention. 2 labradoodle ads and 1 goldendoodle ad. I searched their phone numbers and found that the woman who had the goldendoodle was only about 30 minutes away. So, I called her and learned that there were 2 puppies left, a male and a female. They were both black goldendoodles. They were almost 7 weeks at the time.

So, Matt and I jumped in the car and drove to see them... and of course we fell in love. We chose the male because we already have Gracie. He wasn't able to come home yet because he was still so little.

Tomorrow we are bringing Gracie to meet him and we will be able to pick him up next Friday! We both took the day off for the occasion! I found Gracie's old crate and set that up in my room. We bought him a food dish, a collar, a leash, food, toys, and treats. Gracie came to the pet store with us to help us pick out the stuff.

I am not sure how she is going to react. We set up all of his stuff in his crate and also put his food dish next to hers. She definitely knows something is going on and her ears perk up whenever we say "puppy." I have a feeling she will be very excited when he arrives but will get weirded out when he doesn't leave.

We'll just have to see how it goes... she is going to have to adapt.

Dream Job

One of my closest friends from college called yesterday and told me she got her dream job in a NICU near her home. She had tons of experience for this position and it is absolutely perfect for her. I am very happy for her but also wicked jealous.

I found an L+D full time nights position at a nearby hospital and wrote a kick-ass cover letter. I am really excited about this job because this hospital has an amazing birth center and maternity section. It also has a NICU. This would be my perfect job, other than the nights part, but I would deal with that.

In other news, my license number has finally arrived! I am officially a registered nurse!

Design Star

HGTV is my absolute favorite TV station. I could watch every show all day and be happy. Before I started nursing school (and during my panic attacks while in school and wanting to quit nursing) I had a list of things that I wanted to do instead. These included:
1) Wedding Planner
2) Interior Designer

To be honest, as the weeks go on and I can't find a nursing job, these two careers and beginning to look better and better.

I can't wait to have my own home and be able to design it the way I want to. I do know that this involves a lot of money. So, even though I am miserable at home, I think I need to tough it out and save as much money as I possibly can before I move out.

Speaking of moving out, even though we know that we need to save, but Matt and I have begun to talk to about moving in together. We honestly we do it now but the money situation is obviously a big deal.

Hopefully I can get a job sometime soon so that I can be saving more!

Easy Target

I must be an easy target for things to go wrong because basically everything in my life sucks right now. The only thing that is going well is my relationship with Matt. He is absolutely my best friend and is basically the only constant right now.

Work isn't getting any better. Some of the people that I work with are quite mean to me and I have been ignoring their mean comments for the last 2 years. Tonight I began fighting back. I was mean right back. It still didn't work. Not only were they even mad at me now, I was mad at myself.

My weight is skyrocketing. I am out of control. Nothing fits. I feel disgusting. I am eating way too much and nothing that I am eating is nutritious at all. I brought home the "traveling tracker" from WW this week. I was hoping that it would inspire me to eat better but it isn't working. I am still not caring.

As for a real job, I still have nothing. I am still waiting for my nursing license number. The state's health practitioner's license website is under construction and it will be a few days before I get my actual number. I want this number to prove to the hospital that I have my license and now I am the perfect candidate for them to hire.

Then, home is pretty miserable too. I hate to say this but I can't stand my grandmother living with us. She is so much work and it is stressing my whole family out. I know that is so unbelievably selfish but things have changed so much that I can't handle it. Also, my dog is super depressed because she was raised being very social and going everywhere. I don't think she has gone for a ride in days. My mom hasn't gone out in a while either. She is stuck home watching my grandmother 24/7. She needs a lot of care and honestly its more than a 1 person job.

I need a break from everything right now. The problem is I just went on a very expensive vacation that wasn't relaxing at all. It actually stressed me out even more.

I just want things to get better :(

Caring less

I had a bad day today. I used to absolutely love my job. It is generally easy, usually fun, and I have a great coworker whom I spend the whole day with. However, lately, I seem not be loving it as much.

When I was still studying, I used work as an excuse not to study, but then I would be thinking about studying all the time.

I have learned that I care too much. I guess that is a bad thing. I guess in this situation I came off as bossy. I understand this, but I honestly am just trying to help. A certain member of our staff who does not work in the office relies on me to get things done for her in the office. When I relay this information to the staff at the program, I am "bossy." Whatever, another one of our staff members told me to just stop caring and while that is hard for me, I tried it out today.

I know this doesn't make much sense to those other than myself, it is nice to vent sometimes. Even though my new career should involve caring a lot, my current job doesn't involve it at all. I am trying to keep this in mind.

Another reason I am not happy at work is because a few weeks ago I was grabbing a small slice of cake from a program that we were holding. (I know that I shouldn't be eating cake but I wanted it and had a decent lunch so I thought it would be okay.) As I was putting my cake onto a plate, a coworker comes up to me and says "That isn't good for your diet" in a very snarky tone. Then she tapped my love handles. It was completely rude and unnecessary. I was so shocked that someone would do that.

As if recently gaining 13 pounds doesn't make me feel bad enough, my b-tch of a coworker goes and says something like that. What kind of social skills are those? I teared up and my boss noticed. He did say something to her later but I also said something myself. I told her that that is the kind of thing you keep to yourself.

Anyway, I am miserable lately. I thought it would stop when I finished studying and passed the test but it hasn't decreased, the stressors have just changed.

Preliminary Results

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!

I am a registered nurse!!!

I couldn't wait for it to be up on the state's website. I paid the $7.95 to get my results and it said PASS. YAYYYYYY. These are unofficial, as in just from the testing people, not from the state, so I don't have a license number yet. But, I WILL SOON!!!

75 questions

I did it! I took the exam this morning! I was so anxious that I seriously thought I was going to vomit. I made it to the test center which was in the middle of nowhere. I was finger printed a few times and had my picture taken, then was allowed to start.

I noticed a classmate in the seat next to me when I walked in. The computers were in little cubicles so I don't think she saw me. I wore the little earplugs that they offered but I still heard some people shuffling around. They give you a little whiteboard to write on and at one point, I went to grab the marker and the cap went flying across the room. Haha, I hope they don't think I was crazy.

I made it through the exam in 75 questions. I had been keeping track of the number of questions I was sure on and it was about 35. Clearly not wonderful but I knew that I had made educated guesses on many of the questions. I do not remember making any flat out guesses on anything.

Along that topic, is it just me or do you immediately forget every question you just answered the second you walk out the door. I always do. I remembered a couple and when I got to my car, I was able to look up some things and learned that I had gotten a few that I was concerned about correct!

The computer shows you which question you are on so at question 74 I had to calm myself and after question 75 the test shut off! I felt so relieved.

So now I wait. The woman at the test center said I can get my results on Tuesday... TUESDAY? That is 4 days away! I was first told 48 hours (which would be Sunday) but they are closed Sunday but not Saturday. So wouldn't that be Monday? Then the woman said 2 business days. Well, if they are open on Saturday, isn't that a business day? Wouldn't that still be Monday?

I plan on compulsively checking the website between Saturday-Tuesday.

Now it is finally time to relax!!

Uncontrollable Anxiety

Tomorrow is test day. I have never felt so much anxiety in my whole life. I am exhausted, want to sleep, but have tons of practice questions left to do. I wish I had studied more but there is nothing I can do at this point.

I seem to have developed restless leg syndrome today. It must be from the nerves but holy annoying. I was supposed to relax today and not study, but because I was so behind, I've been studying all day.

I did take a break to get a facial at the spa this afternoon. Although, the whole time I was thinking about how I could be studying (or sleeping!) It was relaxing and I did almost fall asleep.

I just want it to be over with and have good results. I tried to keep my test day secret but a lot of people do know because I did tell my closest friends and also my co-workers obviously noticed that I have taken a few days off.

I want to take the test tomorrow and then fast forward to Monday when I get my results. I feel confident but am terrified at the same time. What if I fail??

I will try to blog tomorrow about the test.

Wish me luck!

5 more days

I am going crazy studying for the NCLEX!

AHHHHHHHHH.

That is all...

Less than 1 week until the big day.

NCLEX in T-6 days.

I have been studying my life away and am absolutely exhausted. I am behind in studying and technically need to work M-W next week but I might take 1 more day off. I do have a facial scheduled for Thursday though. That will definitely help me relax.

Yesterday, Matt and I went to visit his sister who flew up and I couldn't even enjoy myself because all I could think of was how that time could have been spent studying.

I feel relatively confident but am still super nervous. I just want to get it over with at this point! Matt is going to get me The Sims 3 so that when I get home from the test I can do something fun and not even think about the fact that I have to wait 48+ hours to get my results.

I don't know if I will be able to blog much this week because I really should spend every available moment studying.

But, something crazy happened at work on Thursday that I definitely need to vent about... when I get a chance.

The interview!

I went to my interview on Monday! I was absolutely terrified all day. I sat at my desk at work and basically wrote myself a script of things to say. It actually helped a lot. I found all of the commonly asked questions and formulated my answers to them and then at the actual interview I remembered my answers and I think I sounded really put together.

There is 1 issue. Although I am qualified for the position, I don't have anything that makes me stand out compared to the other applicants (over 100!) The one thing that I do have, and honestly I think it is what got me the interview is that my mother was the nursing supervisor at this hospital for almost 20 years.

I never mentioned this fact to anyone. It isn't written on any of my applications or reference sheets. I never said anything because I didn't want it to affect me either way (good or bad.) However, when I got the call for the interview, I was at work so the human resources woman called my house and spoke to my mom. My mom told me later that the woman called her by name and definitely knew who she was speaking to.

Then, at the interview, the same human resources woman introduced me to the nurse managers as "Martine's daughter." My mom was these womens boss! Part of me wants it to help me out with getting a job but I also want them to know that I was not the one who was pushing this fact.

I will update whenever I find out anything! But, I do think that it went well. I am trying not to get my hopes up.

In other news, I wore horrible (but cute) shoes and now I have blisters on my toes :(